


Just No HOA

by zombified_queer



Category: Bugsnax (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic, F/M, Malewife Gramble, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombified_queer/pseuds/zombified_queer
Summary: My (38F) partner (24M) just invited the HOA President inside our home and proceeded to chat politely over coffee and cookies and we've never seen another HOA notice in our mail aside from the meeting invitations. What did he do?
Relationships: Gramble Gigglefunny/Wiggle Wigglebottom
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Just No HOA

Wiggle's exhausted after the commute from town to the subdivision of little cookie-cutter townhouses. It's been a long day of interviews and songwriting sessions and recording instrumental tracks. All she wants is a glass of wine with her favorite person in the whole world.

She steps inside, leaving her keys in the bowl by the door. The house is warm and smells like freshly-baked cookies. And then Wiggle freezes.

Gramble's talking to someone.

There's no mistaking the shrill voice of the HOA president echoing in Wiggle's house. Kellen Dourbean. The most miserable bitch in the world, Wiggle thinks.

But she's laughing. Kellen is laughing. In Wiggle's house.

"Gramble, dear?" Wiggle calls, stepping into the dining room.

"Oh! Hiya, Wiggle!" Gramble beams at her like she brought him the moon. "Kellen came over to ask about some of the gardening we're doing and I invited her in for cookies and coffee. She's real nice."

Kellen gives Wiggle a curt nod. "You know about the approved list of flowers, but I suppose one exemption wouldn't hurt. Since they are well-kept."

"Thank...you?" Wiggle's confused. Kellen hates Wiggle with a passion. Something about being a terrible influence and flaunting her wealth. But here Kellen is giving Wiggle an exemption. "Gramble's got the green paws."

"And he's very good with the garden," Kellen adds. "I've never seen honeysuckles bloom like that."

"Aw it's nothing," Gramble says. "Just a bit of tender lovin' care is all. And, well, the pruning helps."

Kellen nods, actually fascinated by Gramble.

Of course. Gramble's too polite for anyone to ever be mean to. Or, well, almost no one.

Wiggle takes a seat at the table next to Gramble.

"You look tired, sugarcube," Gramble tells Wiggle. "Go on and rest, alright? We'll keep it down."

Wiggle shakes her head. "I'm fine, Gramble dear."

Gramble, without being asked, gets up and fixes Wiggle a cup of coffee.

"How'd you get so lucky?" Kellen asks, bordering on sneering. "He's very nice, you know. Humble too."

"We...met on a work trip," Wiggle half-lies. "He's my inspiration."

"So when will you two be getting married."

"I think we're waiting for the right time." Wiggle shuts her down by punctuating the statement with a glare.

There's a tense pause. Kellen narrows her eyes.

And then Gramble sets a mug of coffee down on the table, smiling at Wiggle. "Cream and sugar, just how you like it."

Wiggle makes a point to kiss Gramble on the lips. "Thank you, darling."

The coffee's perfect. Just like Gramble. Sweet and warm.

"So what did you do before settling down?" Kellen prods, giving Gramble and saccharine grin.

"Well, I did help the family gardening business for a time. But, um, we grew apart. So I worked at a vet for a while.” Gramble shrugs. “They didn’t mind that I was still in school.”

Kellen nods, like she has everything she needs. "Well, I won't keep the two of you. I'm sure you lovebirds have plans for the day."

"Sure do!" Gramble agrees with a grin.

Wiggle hums in agreement, keeping an eye on every single twitch of Kellen's muscles. Noting every little bit of passive-aggression.

Kellen stands up, smooths her fur, and leaves with Gramble in tow, talking a mile a minute about helping her with her garden. Wiggle relaxes when she hears the door close.

"Grump, I thought she'd never leave," Gramble grumbles.

"Dear, I thought you two were getting along famously," Wiggle admits.

"Nah. She's rude and wanted to snoop through the house. So I invited her in to talk her ear off."

"Positively devilish, darling."

Gramble sighs, taking a cookie from the plate. "I can't stand nosy people like her. My mom was the same way and, well...you know."

"I do know, darling." Wiggle nods. "I loathe her as much as you do."


End file.
